Just Trying to find My Way

After making myself write my last post I have found that I am not alone in what I am feeling!! Which makes me want to continue writing about this journey that I'm on.... As I have continued to "clean off" the many dusty shelves in my heart I have found that I am a MASTER avoid-er of emotions. I can stick emotions to the side as easily as I can stick junk away in my basement storage room, shut the door, and ignore it for months...or even years!  The typical pattern for me is that I take something someone does or says and it hurts me in some way, then I push it to the side because I don't want to deal with the feelings where it festers and eventually turns to anger. Left to the side long enough I found myself not even sure of what I was angry about. I've had a number of real and legit hurtful things done to me in my life, but by not dealing with them completely when they happened it had made it so that I couldn't even deal with the little things that I sh

I'm making myself write today...partly because I said once that writing brings me some sense of healing in my soul and partly because my soul is a bit cloudy. I have a shelf in my house that I RARELY pay any attention to. It's on the way down to the laundry room and it's right where my stairs curve to the right so as I'm walking down I'm always concentrating on making the turn and usually my hands are full of laundry or something that needs to go in the freezer. Until this past Christmas when I only went halfway down because I was trying to get my husband's attention. That's when I saw it...I can't even say it was dusty because I'm not sure there is a word for 'beyond dusty'!! Like cotton ball type puffs of dust and spider webs...with dust on them! Why is this a big deal? Because anyone who knows me well knows that I am a clean freak,,,vacuum every day, sheets every Thursday, bathrooms every Friday (with a touch up on Monday)...clean freak.