Dusty Shelves

I'm making myself write today...partly because I said once that writing brings me some sense of healing in my soul and partly because my soul is a bit cloudy.

I have a shelf in my house that I RARELY pay any attention to. It's on the way down to the laundry room and it's right where my stairs curve to the right so as I'm walking down I'm always concentrating on making the turn and usually my hands are full of laundry or something that needs to go in the freezer. Until this past Christmas when I only went halfway down because I was trying to get my husband's attention. That's when I saw it...I can't even say it was dusty because I'm not sure there is a word for 'beyond dusty'!! Like cotton ball type puffs of dust and spider webs...with dust on them! Why is this a big deal? Because anyone who knows me well knows that I am a clean freak,,,vacuum every day, sheets every Thursday, bathrooms every Friday (with a touch up on Monday)...clean freak. Have been for as long as I can remember. So how did this happen? I look down every time I go down my steps. I can't look up or I might biff it! So I don't see.

I'm starting to realize more and more as I write that at just about the same time as I noticed that dusty, nasty shelf is when I began to realize how dusty my soul had become. I don't say that lightly or like I'm being too hard on myself. It was about that same time that my husband sat me down and in a very loving way asked me if it was time to go talk to someone to help clear up what I was calling the mess in my head. It took me some time, because in my stubborn pride I had to get over the shame of it, but I made that first appointment. That was almost 2 months ago and this is what I'm finding in my journey....my soul had/has a room of dusty shelves. I don't have to, but I can even name them...Anger Sadness, Disappointment, Unforgiveness (of myself and others), Fear, Pride, Bitterness, and a few others that I'm not ready to or can't name yet. Without a doubt all of these could be solved with one big word....SURRENDER.

Surrender is hard because it involves trust. For many years I have claimed to trust Jesus, but it has seemed that the dust that I have allowed to collect in my soul, because I have been looking down and not paying attention, has covered up what used to be a "me" that trusted fully. I want to clean off these shelves and find her again because my Jesus hasn't changed...I have.

So this is where I am....it's hard to admit when you're struggling, but at the same time I know I'm not the only one. Maybe someone will actually be helped in their journey because I share mine. I don't want to stay where I think it's comfortable-in my room of dusty shelves-I want to clean them off one by one. More than that, I want to look up and start letting Jesus clean them off one by one. Trusting Him all the more after each one!

"...I have come that they may have life and have it to the full." John 10:10

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