Just Trying to find My Way

My last post was about how well I don't do with change and today fits right into that category. My oldest boy turns 15 and my mom heart is having trouble letting go. I have actually been struggling with this for the past few months since school started. For some reason it started to really sink in as I sat in the high school orientation night and listened to the teachers talk about 9th grade being the first stepping stone to college and figuring out how to get all his classes in before he graduates.....I remember looking around at the group of kids that my son was sitting with (because he wasn't sitting with me) and thinking to myself, they were all just starting kindergarten! It felt like a dream that I was watching in slow motion. Soon after that I found myself getting teary every time he came down the steps from his room.....it seemed he grew every night that he slept. He bypassed me in height in about October and then came the change in attitude!! My sweet, compliant, e...

Christmas Eve and I have to be honest, I woke up this morning and before I knew it I was having myself a much needed good cry. This year has been one of some big changes and for as long as I can remember I have not dealt well with change. I'm a creature of habit and a master of having a plan. I like things the same as they've always been and it sends my insides into a "tizzy" when they aren't. And now it's Christmas and it's making these changes all that much bigger.... The number one thing that is so different today is this past June my one and only baby sister moved to Texas with her family because of her husband's job. They won't be home for Christmas. Part of me feels like I should be used to this because we've lived so far from my husband's family in California for so long. I think we've been able to spend one Christmas with them in the past 20 years. It's hard. But then maybe that's partly why I'm having such a hard ...

Well, here I am after much encouragement from friends and a memory stuck in my head from my pastor..."you should have a blog"!! It's taken me a while because through the years I've grown accustom to journaling in notebooks where no one sees it and I don't have to be accountable for what I'm thinking and feeling. Plus, why would anyone care to hear what I have to say...really??? But then I turned 40 this year and although I know it's just a number it has changed much about how I think about a lot of things. In my 20's I thought I knew everything, in my 30's I had kids and realized just how much I really don't know, and now I'm on to my 40's and I'm hoping to start bringing a balance of the two. Maybe the lessons I've learned in my life might actually be an encouragement to someone else. This life was never meant to be done alone. So much of my life has been discouraged by my own negative and just plain bad thinking. Writing thing...