I'm allergic to change....
Christmas Eve and I have to be honest, I woke up this morning and before I knew it I was having myself a much needed good cry. This year has been one of some big changes and for as long as I can remember I have not dealt well with change. I'm a creature of habit and a master of having a plan. I like things the same as they've always been and it sends my insides into a "tizzy" when they aren't. And now it's Christmas and it's making these changes all that much bigger....
The number one thing that is so different today is this past June my one and only baby sister moved to Texas with her family because of her husband's job. They won't be home for Christmas. Part of me feels like I should be used to this because we've lived so far from my husband's family in California for so long. I think we've been able to spend one Christmas with them in the past 20 years. It's hard. But then maybe that's partly why I'm having such a hard time. I don't want it to be that way with my sister and her family. This may very well be the 'new normal'. Some things will stay the same, like my mom bustling in the kitchen, the 1000 piece puzzle spread out on the table waiting to be worked on, and my kids begging to start opening presents. That will all be the same. But there will be a hole.
What else changed? My sweet grandma, the only one I have left, sold her little red house this summer where we usually go for Christmas Day. This year we will be in a big rented room at her apartment complex. There will be family, laughter, and gifts....all the same, yet different. Change.
And so, I cried this morning. I have to let the old go and start trying to look ahead to what Jesus has in store next. I heard Him whisper to me this morning, "this world and everything in it will continue to change, it's how I grow you, but remember that I never change, I am the same yesterday, today, and forever!!" I'm counting on that promise today. That baby in the manger has promised me that He is working this whole life into a story that glorifies Him and sometimes that means that sisters will have to move and grandma's can't stay in their houses forever. There are new Christmas memories to be made and I won't see them if I dig my heals in because I don't like the discomfort of change.
The number one thing that is so different today is this past June my one and only baby sister moved to Texas with her family because of her husband's job. They won't be home for Christmas. Part of me feels like I should be used to this because we've lived so far from my husband's family in California for so long. I think we've been able to spend one Christmas with them in the past 20 years. It's hard. But then maybe that's partly why I'm having such a hard time. I don't want it to be that way with my sister and her family. This may very well be the 'new normal'. Some things will stay the same, like my mom bustling in the kitchen, the 1000 piece puzzle spread out on the table waiting to be worked on, and my kids begging to start opening presents. That will all be the same. But there will be a hole.
What else changed? My sweet grandma, the only one I have left, sold her little red house this summer where we usually go for Christmas Day. This year we will be in a big rented room at her apartment complex. There will be family, laughter, and gifts....all the same, yet different. Change.
And so, I cried this morning. I have to let the old go and start trying to look ahead to what Jesus has in store next. I heard Him whisper to me this morning, "this world and everything in it will continue to change, it's how I grow you, but remember that I never change, I am the same yesterday, today, and forever!!" I'm counting on that promise today. That baby in the manger has promised me that He is working this whole life into a story that glorifies Him and sometimes that means that sisters will have to move and grandma's can't stay in their houses forever. There are new Christmas memories to be made and I won't see them if I dig my heals in because I don't like the discomfort of change.
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