My baby is 15 today.....
My last post was about how well I don't do with change and today fits right into that category. My oldest boy turns 15 and my mom heart is having trouble letting go. I have actually been struggling with this for the past few months since school started. For some reason it started to really sink in as I sat in the high school orientation night and listened to the teachers talk about 9th grade being the first stepping stone to college and figuring out how to get all his classes in before he graduates.....I remember looking around at the group of kids that my son was sitting with (because he wasn't sitting with me) and thinking to myself, they were all just starting kindergarten! It felt like a dream that I was watching in slow motion.
Soon after that I found myself getting teary every time he came down the steps from his room.....it seemed he grew every night that he slept. He bypassed me in height in about October and then came the change in attitude!! My sweet, compliant, easy going kid had temporarily gone away and in his place was a typical teenager that wants to spread his wings and challenge EVERYTHING the parents had to say. Don't get me wrong, my son is a GREAT kid....he's just trying to find his way like we all are and even though I find myself at 40, I do remember the caous of teenager brain!!!! I wouldn't want to go back there is someone paid me!!! I then found myself emailing my friend who has been in "teenager land" 6 times and asking her how I make it through this. She is a wise, wise woman and she reminded me of a very important thing....Zach isn't mine to keep...he has been gifted to me for a time from God and I have to now settle into the season of learning to let him go. God has big plans for him and I don't want to get in the way. And what she said next really struck me...she told me that the most important thing I can do is live a life that he sees Jesus in and one that earns his respect. If I want my son to respect and listen to me than I need to be a good example of that very thing!
In all honesty it's still a tug of war in my mom heart. I woke up this morning kinda sad. I went to church this morning asking myself why I am having such a hard time with this and then our youth pastor gave the sermon and hit me (again)....it's about surrender. He was talking about what changes we can make in the coming year....for me, I had to ask myself, "do I trust Jesus with my son"? I can no longer control everything he does like I tried to do when he was small. More and more he needs to make his own decisions so that he's ready to be out in the world on his own.
That scares me, but in the quiet of the church service I heard my Jesus whisper "just think of how much you love your boy and now know that I love him even more...I have him in the palm of my hand and I will not let him go....I need you to trust me with him!!" So Jesus, I need you to show me how to do this....Zach was never meant to stay little forever....just like I wasn't. You have good and perfect plans for him...help me to get out of the way and learn to walk beside him and keep pointing him to you!!! Thank you for who You are growing him up to be!!
Soon after that I found myself getting teary every time he came down the steps from his room.....it seemed he grew every night that he slept. He bypassed me in height in about October and then came the change in attitude!! My sweet, compliant, easy going kid had temporarily gone away and in his place was a typical teenager that wants to spread his wings and challenge EVERYTHING the parents had to say. Don't get me wrong, my son is a GREAT kid....he's just trying to find his way like we all are and even though I find myself at 40, I do remember the caous of teenager brain!!!! I wouldn't want to go back there is someone paid me!!! I then found myself emailing my friend who has been in "teenager land" 6 times and asking her how I make it through this. She is a wise, wise woman and she reminded me of a very important thing....Zach isn't mine to keep...he has been gifted to me for a time from God and I have to now settle into the season of learning to let him go. God has big plans for him and I don't want to get in the way. And what she said next really struck me...she told me that the most important thing I can do is live a life that he sees Jesus in and one that earns his respect. If I want my son to respect and listen to me than I need to be a good example of that very thing!
In all honesty it's still a tug of war in my mom heart. I woke up this morning kinda sad. I went to church this morning asking myself why I am having such a hard time with this and then our youth pastor gave the sermon and hit me (again)....it's about surrender. He was talking about what changes we can make in the coming year....for me, I had to ask myself, "do I trust Jesus with my son"? I can no longer control everything he does like I tried to do when he was small. More and more he needs to make his own decisions so that he's ready to be out in the world on his own.
That scares me, but in the quiet of the church service I heard my Jesus whisper "just think of how much you love your boy and now know that I love him even more...I have him in the palm of my hand and I will not let him go....I need you to trust me with him!!" So Jesus, I need you to show me how to do this....Zach was never meant to stay little forever....just like I wasn't. You have good and perfect plans for him...help me to get out of the way and learn to walk beside him and keep pointing him to you!!! Thank you for who You are growing him up to be!!
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