It's gonna be OK!
I haven't written for a really long time.
There are many reasons why, but mostly because of my own self.
I think I get in the way of a lot of things that Jesus is trying to do in my life, but I don't know how to stop. I want to do better...I want to forgive more...I want to be a better wife and mom...I want to not hold grudges...I want to love people better. I want all these things, but I don't 'be still' long enough to work on them. My mind never stops long enough to be able to focus on one thing for very long or to see clearly. So I just keep going--the checklists of each day are much the same and they start the moment I wake up and don't stop until I lay back down.
Today I stopped for just a minute. I was watching out the window at my husband playing catch with our youngest son. I thought to myself, "he's gotten so tall, how did he get so tall". For what seemed like so very long it felt like they would never be able to do anything for themselves and now they are both young men who do perfectly fine when I'm not here. How did I get here??? To them I am old, but in my head sometimes I'm still a the teenager trying to find my way. I'm truly not old, but I'm sure not young anymore either.
The season of my life has shifted and with it a whole new wide open space that I need some time to get used to. I was called a 'mentor' the other day...I know what it means but I had to look up the meaning--"an experienced and trusted adviser." In my mind you have to have some years under your belt to gain experience!! So here I am. Not old and not young. Weird place to be. It's also Fall which means another Winter is right around the corner. My insides automatically get weary when I think of Winter. I like so little about Winter. I'm determined to not let this season of my life make me feel like the season of weather that is coming...bitter or cold. I want to do better......
There may be much in front of me that is different and unknown and unpredictable, but Jesus says He is the same! He says He is the lifter of my head. He says He loves me. He says I need to be still and not be afraid of the quiet. He tells me what we all need to hear at one time or another--when the change comes slow or all at once, when anxiety is your best friend, when everyday is the same, when the uncertainty is bigger than me--He says it's going to be OK! He's got all of this, and He keeps working all for good when I can't see it!
I had to start writing again today so that I have something to look back at when this season is done and I see that Jesus continues to be faithful. I will need the "experience" of this season for the next season. That's just how it works. And I want to remember the moment I took the time to watch my boys out the window...and I was oh, so thankful for this life of many seasons that Jesus has let me live.
There are many reasons why, but mostly because of my own self.
I think I get in the way of a lot of things that Jesus is trying to do in my life, but I don't know how to stop. I want to do better...I want to forgive more...I want to be a better wife and mom...I want to not hold grudges...I want to love people better. I want all these things, but I don't 'be still' long enough to work on them. My mind never stops long enough to be able to focus on one thing for very long or to see clearly. So I just keep going--the checklists of each day are much the same and they start the moment I wake up and don't stop until I lay back down.
Today I stopped for just a minute. I was watching out the window at my husband playing catch with our youngest son. I thought to myself, "he's gotten so tall, how did he get so tall". For what seemed like so very long it felt like they would never be able to do anything for themselves and now they are both young men who do perfectly fine when I'm not here. How did I get here??? To them I am old, but in my head sometimes I'm still a the teenager trying to find my way. I'm truly not old, but I'm sure not young anymore either.
The season of my life has shifted and with it a whole new wide open space that I need some time to get used to. I was called a 'mentor' the other day...I know what it means but I had to look up the meaning--"an experienced and trusted adviser." In my mind you have to have some years under your belt to gain experience!! So here I am. Not old and not young. Weird place to be. It's also Fall which means another Winter is right around the corner. My insides automatically get weary when I think of Winter. I like so little about Winter. I'm determined to not let this season of my life make me feel like the season of weather that is coming...bitter or cold. I want to do better......
There may be much in front of me that is different and unknown and unpredictable, but Jesus says He is the same! He says He is the lifter of my head. He says He loves me. He says I need to be still and not be afraid of the quiet. He tells me what we all need to hear at one time or another--when the change comes slow or all at once, when anxiety is your best friend, when everyday is the same, when the uncertainty is bigger than me--He says it's going to be OK! He's got all of this, and He keeps working all for good when I can't see it!
I had to start writing again today so that I have something to look back at when this season is done and I see that Jesus continues to be faithful. I will need the "experience" of this season for the next season. That's just how it works. And I want to remember the moment I took the time to watch my boys out the window...and I was oh, so thankful for this life of many seasons that Jesus has let me live.
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